How to Drive Customers Away from Your Website (100% WORKS!)

Don't want customers?

Is your website attracting countless customers, but you don't want that many? If you want to drive customers away, follow the tips below.

▶ Show Customers as Many Ads as Possible

Make them click the X button so many times they can enter the Guinness Book of Records. Don't let them get to the information they're looking for. Ads should automatically pop up and cover the information.

▶ Hide the Menus

Are they looking for your contact information? TOO BAD, they won't find it.
Want to see your offerings? TOO BAD, no chance.
Want to make a purchase? TOO BAD, that's not an option.

▶ Don't Let the Page Load

Make them wait like they do with phone operators, half an hour to get a turn. Then let them know that the page is currently unavailable and they should try again later.

▶ Torture Their Eyes

Make the font small, very small. Push some content off the edge of the screen. Try an absurd screen contrast - nothing better than red text on a purple background.

▶ Scare Them to Death

With auto-playing sound at FULL VOLUME. A button to mute the sound? They definitely don't need that.

You know we're joking, right?
Please, don't do this!

For knowledge on "how to keep your customers healthy, what are the risks and side effects," consult with us.